At the intersection of the LGBTQ & Asian American Communities: A Pride month chat with Sam Mark and Aussie Chau

This is an exciting time of year for us at Anise – as we sit at the intersection of May and June, we move from Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month and Mental Health Awareness Month into June’s Pride Month. 

In a twist of fate, we recently had a chance to sit down with Samantha (Sam) Mark and Aussie Chau, a couple that represents this intersectionality fully as a Queer Asian couple who are strong advocates for mental health in our community. 

While you may recognise Sam and Aussie from the hit Netflix series, The Ultimatum: Queer Love, they are much more than their on-screen appearance. Sam and Aussie are community builders, activists, founders, and thought leaders. In this interview, they share their story with us, elaborating on what Pride month means to them and discussing the ways they navigate their intersectional identities and nurture their mental health.

Our community would love to learn more about you! Can you introduce yourselves?

Sam: Hi everyone! I’m Sam and I use she/her pronouns. I’m a 4th generation half-Japanese, half-Chinese Asian-American who grew up in Southern California. I recently moved to Washington state and am absolutely loving how beautiful it is here! Professionally, I’m a bit of a Jill-of-all-trades, freelancing in Admin, Operations, Strategy, and Business Development. Passionately, I am an activist, community builder, and Founder of The Conscious Altruism Movement and Co-Founder of Keep It Saussie. When I’m not busy building my own business, I love supporting other small businesses and am always connecting and learning! I love exploring my new home and reveling in the beauty around me!

Aussie: Hi! I’m Aussie and I use “Aussie” or They/Them pronouns. I am of Chinese-Burmese descent and grew up in Australia before moving to the US for work. I’m an Engineer by trade and the Co-Founder of Keep It Saussie. I am a basketball fan, a Sneakerhead, a seeker of truth, and a lover of all food and drink. Like Sam said, we live in Washington now and I love how close we are to nature and the great outdoors! 

Pictured above: some beloved dim sum dishes we order at some of our favorite restaurants. Glutinous rice dumplings (hom sui gok) and taro root dumplings (wu gohk)

Pictured above: a beautiful walk in a blooming rose garden. We love to stop and smell the roses!

Let’s address the gay elephant in the room. You were cast members in Netflix’s The Ultimatum: Queer Love, giving you a chance to represent many communities that you belong to that lack proper representation in the media. What was that process like for you?

Sam: I think we had an understanding that we were meant to be the Asian representation for the cast and wanted to make every effort to do right by ourselves as well as our communities. 

Unfortunately, because Asian stories lack representation, there were and definitely still are some barriers to the stories being understood by the greater population. In many ways, the stereotypes held true in the sense that we heard from a lot of LGBTQIA+ Asians through DMs and private messages rather than out in the open. We, especially Aussie, received a lot of thank yous for our courage to share ourselves so publicly, but they definitely got drowned out by all of the noise. 

I think of this as our opportunity to utilize our platform to give voice to a very underrepresented population. I hope to begin building more bridges for the greater Asian and Asian-American communities to start recognizing queerness as more than a stigma and a conversation to avoid and empower them to be better allies.  

Aussie: Growing up in Australia, the only Asian person I saw regularly in the media was Lee Lin Chin, the beloved SBS news anchor. She was just this Asian woman who looked like me and swore like me and was not your stereotypical Asian. She was outrageous, loud, and everything you never saw Asians do back then or how they were allowed to be. 

I thought, “Oh my gosh” and in that moment felt validated in my experience as a queer Asian person. I realized I didn’t like being put in the stereotypical box of being quiet, obliging, studious, and the opposite of a troublemaker and there I was, seeing her be herself and it encouraged me to be more of myself. 

Pictured above: Photos of role model Lee Lin Chin

Can you share more with us your journey of coming out as Queer? 

Sam: This question is always difficult for me to answer because it happened over the span of a decade. My first memory of showing signs that I was not a typical heterosexual child (in hindsight, of course) was from the age of 6 and moments throughout my younger years into my teens. 

I always like to clarify that I was technically “straight” for the first 20 years of my life only because I didn’t have the language, didn’t know any different, and it wasn’t until college that I met LGBTQIA+ friends that I got to really explore my identity (and had a very supportive partner at the time). 

For years, my knowledge only grew to understand bisexuality, so I identified as such, and this is where it’s really important to note that bisexuality isn’t just a path to something else. It had its place in my life at the time and when my language and understanding of identities grew, I was able to grow out of the concept of identifying based on my partner’s gender identity and selecting from only 3 options. 

To make a long story short, I eventually had a realization that I was no longer attracted to cis-men and identified as a lesbian. Having a partner who was not out put me right back in the closet for several years after summoning the courage to come out, then I eventually met Aussie, who was on a journey of exploring their gender identity. 

This eventually led me to understand my pansexual identity, which I could have identified as from the start had I understood myself better and had the proper understanding of anything outside of the binaries. This is why I believe representation and sharing our stories is so important!

What does it mean to you to belong to both the LGBTQ+ and Asian community? How does this intersectionality uniquely impact your mental health?

Sam: Funnily enough, I didn’t think about it as much before joining the cast and especially after the release of the show. I think the disconnect and gap between the two became very apparent starting around 2022 when I was attending event after event and would either be the only Asian or maybe part of 5% or less of attendees. Whether LGBTQIA+ or not, the statistics would be consistent unless it was an AAPI led event or one by and for the community. So, to answer the question simply, I feel it’s a challenge across the board, regardless of which identity we’re looking at and especially when focusing specifically on intersectionality. The belonging piece is just lacking and I haven’t quite figured out solutions, but I’m working on it! 

Because I’ve processed a lot of these things over the years, I feel what I’ve been feeling most might be disappointment that there is such a divide and that the stigma still has such a strong grasp on AAPI communities when it comes to mental health. 

As for Queer-Identifying AAPI folks, we could be here another hour talking about the complexities and uniqueness of the experience and its devastating impact on our collective mental health. At the end of the day, I hope to bring representation to our communities and show that it’s ok to exist and that our voices and our stories deserve care and to take up space.    

Angel from Anise Health: I completely agree with you - our voices deserve to take up space! The world is a better place when we share diverse, rich and nuanced stories that reflect how colorful life can be. One example of uplifting marginalized voices is this highlight with one of our South Asian therapists and her best friend, who talks about sharing his journey as a gay South Asian man. And yes, we definitely could be here another hour talking about the nuance around intersectional identities. In fact, Queer Asian intersectionality and double minority stress is something we have spoken about with our therapists to increase representation about Asian stories.

What advice do you have for Asian people who may be questioning their sexual orientation and/or lacking a sense of belonging within the community?

Sam: Coming from someone who has identified as straight, heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, and pansexual… don’t rush the process! Let things unfold and release the pressure to figure it out. We don’t have a deadline or anyone to report to. We aren’t being graded on our accuracy and it’s ok to not follow the rules. When it’s safe to do so, read articles, listen to stories, watch videos and see what resonates with you! 

There are so many people willing and wanting to help you along your journey and all you need to do is ask! When it comes to lacking that sense of belonging, that’s a tough one. I’d say to seek out online groups and communities, Meetups, local events, LGBT centers, etc. This is definitely going to vary based on needs and access. 

As a word of advice: If you don’t feel like you belong, you don’t need to try to fit in. Remind yourself that you just haven’t found your people yet. And don’t worry! They’re out there waiting to meet you, too! 

Angel from Anise Health: Phew, that’s reassuring to remind ourselves not to worry and to take our time. The process of exploring your gender identity can be complicated and challenging in general, but especially if you’re part of a racial minority. 

To your point about reading articles, I really like this research from the Human Rights Campaign about Coming Out as an Asian American, Pacific Islander or Native Hawaiian person. Navigating that journey of authenticity for us AAPI folks can be extra hard when it interacts with cultural norms, values like filial piety, and strong feelings of guilt, shame, and blame.

Tell us 1 thing you do every day to nurture your mental health and wellbeing?

Sam: I think giving myself permission to take breaks when I need them is huge for my mental health and wellbeing. I’m done with the days of feeling guilty for being a human who has a limited capacity and basic needs. It’s amazing what prioritizing my needs has done for my life!

Alice (Co-founder of Anise Health): This is a great time to announce an exciting new partnership that we have with you two and your brand, Keep It Saussie. We are formally collaborating to break down cultural barriers and provide accessible mental health services to marginalized Asian American populations and LGBTQ+ communities. Our partnership marks a significant step forward in our mission to raise awareness about mental wellness and offer personalized, culturally-competent care. 

We are incredibly excited to partner with Keep It Saussie. Their genuine connection with their audience and commitment to mental wellbeing align perfectly with our mission at Anise Health. We believe this partnership will make a meaningful impact, especially during AAPI Heritage Month and Pride Month, encouraging more people to prioritize their mental health."

Sam and Aussie: That’s right! Mental health is a topic close to our hearts and Keep It Saussie’s values. We're proud to collaborate with Anise Health to bring more attention to this critical issue and provide our followers with valuable resources. We’re especially excited to support and celebrate our AAPI and LGBTQ+ communities in these key months.

How can people stay connected to you and your content?

linktr.ee/keepitsaussie is definitely the best place to find all of our links. We have our websites, YouTube, Instagram accounts, TikTok, and more!