Discovering Mental Health
Hey there, my name is Jeany. I am Asian American, more specifically, Hmong American.
I grew up like many people. I didn't like doing chores especially when it took away from my own free time; it made me resentful, sometimes angry. My hands got sweaty and my heart pounded each time I had to tell my mom that my sisters and I had made a mess again or we broke something while playing in the house. I got nervous when meeting new people, making friends or talking in front of a crowd. When my best friend found a new best friend, I cried and thought about it all night. Each morning before school, I spent time trying to make myself attractive with makeup and my nicest outfits. I thought about how others would perceive and think about me.
I still do all of these things today. I get angry sometimes, even resentful. I get nervous a lot. I still don’t like confrontation with my parents. Losing friends is always upsetting. I spend way more time getting ready for the day than I would like. The difference between now and then is that I am okay with feeling all of these emotions. Before the age of 17, I thought I was ungrateful for feeling these things. I thought these things I was feeling were wrong. I always kept them to myself because no one else in my house talked about these things. I wondered if I was the only one feeling these things.
I was fortunate enough to take Introduction to Psychology, a college course, the semester before I graduated high school. I couldn’t believe how ignorant I was, and how deprived I had been of the experience and knowledge about emotional wellbeing and psychological wellness. It was in this setting that I grew to be okay with all my nuanced feelings. This acceptance was powerful because it told me that I was normal; that each person has a mind, and emotions and feelings that come with it. It told me that I am reacting to situations just as anyone else would; that rather, it would be even more abnormal not to react at all to life changes, dissonance, and difficult situations. Taking this course literally changed my life.
Entering this new, empowering and affirming world of mental health, there was no way I was leaving, ever. Within 3 years, I graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology with a Sociology minor at Appalachian State University (ASU). Today, I am a first year student at ASU pursuing my Masters of Arts in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program.
To clarify; my parents aren’t neglectful, abusive, nor unloving. They are refugees who fled from an unjust and deceptive war where they fought and lost their own people; only to be left behind with no assistance by the same country they fought alongside for 14 years. They come from a place where survival was a priority and talking about feelings was a luxury not given to many. They come from the Hmong culture where mental health doesn’t exist as a concept; where the Hmong people do not have a word that translates into mental health. My loving, supportive and caring parents did not inquire about how my days went, were never curious as to why I did or did not do things, and never asked about my feelings. The same loving, supportive and caring parents never left me hungry, never said no when I asked for things, and always made sure I had clothes, a roof, and two parents. I was always protected and safe, and in many ways I was lucky.
I am not mad about truly discovering the concept of mental health at 17 especially when I lived comfortably prior to that. This discovery couldn’t have happened at a better time actually; it happened right before deciding my college major, in the midst of my first relationship and the development of my identity. I am very fortunate to have experienced multiple forms of wellness. It is so important to me, as a result, to help others, especially historically marginalized groups like my own and groups that stigmatize or are unaware of the concept of mental health, to know that mental illness exists and that their experiences are normal and valid.
