Fat-shaming, health choices and body image: How to navigate conversations around food during the holidays as an Asian American
The holiday season is here—a time of joy, togetherness, and, of course, lots of food.
Close your eyes and imagine your dinner table during a major festive gathering. What types of dishes are on the table? What do you smell?
As Asian Americans, your family’s version of Thanksgiving might have other guest dishes. It’s a striking visual representation of the cultural blending that comes with living as a minority in a majority culture.
And the diverse spread of food options isn’t the only thing that’s often complicated around the holidays for us AAPI folks.
For Asian Americans, holiday gatherings often come with unique dynamics around eating (or not eating) that can be both comforting and challenging. Food plays such a central role in our culture, often symbolizing love, care, and connection. Whether it’s a potluck with dishes that reflect our heritage or a feast blending traditional American and Asian cuisines, the way we share food is a beautiful reflection of our cultural identity.
At the same time, family gatherings during the holidays can also bring their own set of pressures. From navigating your aunt’s comments about your body to balancing your family’s traditions with personal health goals, you might feel like you’re walking on the eggshells that were just used to make the stir fry side dish.
But they don’t have to be. With a little preparation and self-compassion, you can enjoy the holidays in a way that feels nourishing and true to you.
This article will help you understand the cultural context of Asian American food dynamics during the holidays, tackle challenging family conversations, and find empowerment in your food choices.
The unique food dynamics of Asian American holiday gatherings
For many Asian American families, food is at the heart of holiday celebrations. Preparing food together isn’t just a task; it’s a love language and a way to honor our heritage. For us, the holidays often involve potluck-style gatherings where people bring not just wine or desserts, but full dishes—often traditional family recipes that have been passed down for generations. It’s not uncommon to find a Thanksgiving table that boasts both turkey and stir-fry, or pumpkin pie alongside bánh chưng or samosas.
These moments of cultural blending are a reminder of the resilience and creativity within our community, and they highlight how food is more than just sustenance—it’s deeply personal, often tied to identity, family, and history.
When personal goals clash with cultural expectations
At family gatherings, food often comes with layers of tradition and expectation. For many Asian American families, eating together is a way to connect, show love, and honor cultural values. But what happens when your personal health goals or dietary needs don’t align with these traditions? It can lead to awkward moments, misunderstandings, or even feelings of guilt.
Your health goals might be a choice, like veganism, intermittent fasting, or a specific diet for fitness. Or they could be a necessity, such as managing food allergies, sensitivities, or conditions like gluten intolerance. For many older Asian family members, these concepts may feel foreign or even unnecessary. Ideas like veganism, for example, can be hard to explain when animal products have historically symbolized abundance and nourishment in many Asian cultures. Similarly, terms like “gluten-free” may not resonate with a generation that grew up without exposure to these dietary frameworks or diagnoses.
Even something as simple as having a smaller appetite might raise eyebrows. You may hear comments like, “You used to eat so much more!” or “You’re already so thin—why are you dieting?” These remarks can feel dismissive or invalidating, especially if you’ve carefully chosen your eating habits to align with your values or health needs.
Understanding the cultural roots of food and care
Before getting frustrated, it’s important to understand where these comments are coming from. In many Asian cultures, food is deeply tied to expressions of care and love. When parents or grandparents insist that you eat more, it’s often their way of showing concern for your well-being. Many older generations experienced food scarcity or hardship, so offering you a full plate and encouraging you to eat is their way of ensuring you’re cared for in the best way they know how.
In this context, comments about your weight or food choices aren’t necessarily meant to criticize; they’re an attempt—however clumsy it may feel—to engage with you and show love. Reframing these interactions as acts of care, rather than judgment, can help take the sting out of the words.
How to manage family food dynamics
Navigating these moments can be tricky, but there are ways to strike a balance between honoring your family’s traditions and respecting your personal needs.
Acknowledge the love behind the food
When a family member piles more food onto your plate or makes a comment about what you’re eating, try to remember the intent behind the action. Responding with gratitude can help diffuse any tension. For example, you might say, “This is so delicious, thank you for making it!” before gently explaining your boundaries.
Set gentle boundaries
It’s okay to say no—politely but firmly. If you’re full or avoiding certain dishes, try saying something like, “I loved that dish, but I’m really full. Can I take some leftovers home instead?” This approach acknowledges their effort while prioritizing your needs.
If you’re avoiding certain foods entirely, you can let them know in advance. For example, “I’m trying something new with my diet right now, so I might not eat everything, but I’m really looking forward to the time with everyone!”
3.Honor your preferences
Remember, you have the right to make choices about what goes on your plate. Whether it’s sticking to a specific diet or simply not wanting another helping, it’s okay to prioritize what feels right for you. You’re not rejecting your family’s love by saying no to seconds—you’re taking care of yourself in the way that you need to.
4. Bring a dish that works for you
One way to bridge the gap is to contribute a dish that aligns with your dietary preferences while honoring the family meal. For example, if you’re vegan, consider bringing a plant-based version of a favorite family recipe. This can show your family that you’re engaged with the meal and the traditions, even if you’re eating differently.
5. Redirect the conversation
If comments about your weight or diet persist, redirect the focus. For example, “Thanks for your concern, I feel good though! Can we talk about how delicious [this dish] is? Could you share the recipe?!” Shifting the topic to something positive can help ease the tension.
Humor is a great tool to diffuse the situation and bring some levity to the conversation. You can playfully tease back, “If I keep eating like this, I won’t be able to go home after! Then you’ll have to feed me forever!”
Another option is to complement the host with kindness, such as “if I eat everything, then what will be left for other people?” We challenge you to come up with your own funny phrases that will have you laughing and lifting up the mood.
Finally, you can lead with curiosity by asking questions. If a person is offering you food, ask them what it was like to eat this dish when they were growing up? Have recipes changed over time? What types of meals are they nostalgic about? This way, you can fill people up with memories rather than carbs.
You have the power of re-inventing what food means to your families. How? Here’s a history of culture-blending through food
Just because your parents or grandparents served meals one way, doesn’t mean that is the only way it can be done.
After all, it’s very likely that your parents’ dining table now looks very different from when they were kids.
Food has always been a bridge between cultures, showcasing our adaptability and resilience as members of the diaspora. For Asian Americans, this blending of old and new is a defining part of our culinary heritage, reflecting the unique fusion of our ancestral roots with our American lives. The dishes we see on holiday tables today aren’t just meals. They’re symbols of how cultures can come together in beautiful and meaningful ways.
What does this mean? This means that you can be a pioneer by introducing new habits to your family’s dinner table. Perhaps you can offer hybrid dishes that blend old recipes with a new, modern twist.
Take, for instance, the story of bánh mì, now a beloved staple of Vietnamese American food culture. When Vietnamese refugees arrived in the U.S. during the 1950s and 60s, they brought with them their culinary traditions, including the bánh mì—a sandwich that originated during French colonial rule in Vietnam. Faced with new ingredients and a need to adapt, they incorporated American elements like mayonnaise while retaining the core components of pickled vegetables, fresh herbs, and pâté. This creative blending turned bánh mì into an iconic dish that unites two worlds.
Even today, Asian American food continues to evolve. Think of sushi burritos, Korean tacos, or bubble tea shops in suburban malls. Each of these represents a modern twist on tradition, showing how food culture is always in motion, shaped by the people who carry it forward.
During the holidays, this fusion comes alive on many Asian American tables. Traditional dishes sit comfortably beside American holiday classics, creating a feast that’s uniquely ours. It’s a reminder that food is not just sustenance; it’s a way to honor the past, celebrate the present, and share love and connection with those around us.
Breaking down food stereotypes: MSG, white rice, and "good" vs. "bad" foods
Despite the beauty and ingenuity of Asian cuisine in America, it has long been stereotyped in the U.S.—from myths about MSG to the demonization of white rice. These stereotypes not only misrepresent our food but also perpetuate harmful narratives about “good” versus “bad” foods. During the holidays, these biases can creep into conversations, whether it’s about what’s on your plate or someone commenting on the healthiness of Asian dishes.
Here are a few myths and the truth behind them that you can share in conversation:
1.MSG is a totally fake chemical found in an all Asian food
If someone makes a comment about MSG or white rice, consider sharing that MSG is a naturally occurring compound found in many foods, like tomatoes and cheese, and that white rice has been a staple for millions worldwide for centuries.
2. Asian food is mainly meaty
Asian cuisine is widely varied as you move from country to country, most of them also boasting a host of delicious vegetable lean protein dishes. Traditional foods like miso soup, kimchi, and curries are hearty and delicious, as well as full of probiotics, antioxidants, and anti-inflammatory agents. Asian food can be healthy, too!
3. All Asian food is super oily
While some dishes, like tempura or deep-fried spring rolls, are oily, they represent only a small fraction of Asian cuisine. The perception of greasiness often comes from Westernized versions of Asian food, which tend to overuse oil, sugar, or deep-frying techniques to cater to local tastes. Authentic dishes are often lighter and more balanced.
Traditional Asian cooking methods, such as steaming, boiling, stir-frying, and grilling, are much healthier. Many dishes use fresh ingredients and minimal oil, like steamed dumplings, sushi, stir-fried vegetables, and soups like pho or miso that are nutrient-dense and low in unhealthy fats.
Of course, not every dish will be super healthy. The holidays are a time to enjoy everything on offer, so try this to keep yourself balanced. When you head to the buffet, be sure to load up on fibers like vegetables and salads, some proteins, and some carbs. When you get to the table, eat your foods in that order, This way, the fiber creates a cushion that prevents a blood glucose spike, and your veggie and protein intake help you to feel full before you get to the heavier carbs.
Finding empowerment in your food choices during the holidays
Ultimately, the holidays are a time to connect—with family, with culture, and with yourself. By being mindful of your food choices and how they make you feel, you can create a more joyful and balanced experience. Here are some tips:
1. Practice mindful eating
Focus on the flavors, textures, and stories behind the dishes on the table. Eating mindfully not only helps you savor the moment but also makes it easier to tune into your body’s needs.
2. Advocate for your preferences
If there’s something you’d like to eat or avoid, share your preferences respectfully. For example, if you’re vegetarian or following a specific diet, let your family know ahead of time and offer to bring a dish.
3. Find joy in the moment
Remember, the holidays are about more than food. It’s okay if you don’t eat everything or stick perfectly to your goals. What matters most is the connection and memories you’re creating.
If you feel you need more support...
If you find yourself struggling, reaching out for professional help can make all the difference. At Anise, we offer culturally responsive care tailored for Asian Americans. Through therapy and coaching, we help you move through challenges like these within the context of your heritage, giving you the tools to feel empowered and confident in your choices.
