Love Across Cultures: Valentine's Day Celebrations in Asian Communities

By: Anise Health

How was affection displayed in your community when you were growing up? Did you hear your parents say “I love you” frequently? How often did you see hand-holding, hugging or kissing in your nuclear or extended family?

For many Asian Americans, the phrase “I love you” may not have been normally heard in households. Even the thought of caregivers embracing tenderly may be amusing or odd to picture. Instead, sweet words of endearment were often substituted by other gestures of care, such as cutting and peeling fruit, making chai for relatives, convening for banquets, pouring a generous amount of Bai Jiu for a friend, or cooking grandma’s favorite meal. Yes, a lot of love in Asian communities center around food and drinks!

If you’re Asian and find it hard to be “romantic” on this historically Western celebration… you’re not alone. Research has shown that public expressions of love toward a spouse or romantic partner was not historically encouraged in countries such as China (Lee, 2007; Kline et al., 2008). In fact, in a cross-cultural study of emotional expression, researchers Richard Wilkins and Elisabeth Gareis found that non-native English speakers seemed to use the locution “I love you” more in English than in their native language.  

That said, trends of affectionate communications across Asia and the Asian diaspora are changing. These shifts in cultural expressions, preferences, and behaviors are particularly visible on holidays such as Valentine’s Day. Although the origins of Valentine’s Day trace back to Europe in the Middle Ages, today Valentine’s Day has evolved into a global phenomenon with many Asian cultures starting to celebrate Valentine’s Day more widely in the 1970’s. Let's take a journey through the varied celebrations of Valentine's Day in Asia, where love is expressed in ways that blend the new with the old.

Japan: A Bilateral Exchange

In Japan, Valentine’s Day is a two-step affair that begins with women presenting gifts to their counterparts and love interests on February 14th. A unique aspect of their gift-giving is the practice of "giri-choco", or obligation chocolates, where women give chocolates not only to their romantic interests but also to male colleagues and friends. The second step of the affair occurs a month later, on March 14th, men reciprocate the gesture on "White Day," gifting white chocolates and other tokens of affection to the women who gifted them in February.

South Korea: A Month-Long Celebration of Love

In South Korea, Valentine’s Day isn’t the only day of love, but is part of a series of “love days” that are celebrated on the 14th of every month. While they follow the same tradition as “giri-choco” in Japan, with women gifting chocolates on February 14th and men reciprocating a month later, South Koreans also celebrate “Black Day” on April 14th. This day is dedicated to the singletons who haven’t received chocolates, and they gather to eat black bean sauce noodles in solidarity among the unattached.

China: Qixi Festival - A Tale of Star-Crossed Lovers

In China, the celebration of love intertwines with the Qixi Festival, often called Chinese Valentine's Day. Based on the legendary tale of the cowherd and the weaver girl, lovers express their feelings through gifts and romantic gestures. Traditional customs involve young women showcasing their skills in weaving and embroidery, paying homage to the celestial romance that unfolds between the mythological characters. In recent years, the influence of Western customs has led to the exchange of gifts and romantic dinners becoming more commonplace.

India: A Fusion of Tradition and Modernity

In India, Valentine's Day has gained popularity, especially in urban areas, as a celebration of love. Young couples exchange flowers, chocolates, and heartfelt messages, embracing the globalized expression of affection. However, traditional values still play a significant role, and in some communities, the day is met with a degree of cultural resistance. Nonetheless, the younger generation continues to adopt and adapt Valentine's Day as a way to celebrate love in a changing cultural landscape.

Thailand: The Colorful Tapestry of Love

In Thailand, Valentine’s Day is a vibrant affair marked by the exchange of flowers, particularly red roses, and the display of public affection. The day is embraced by couples who celebrate with romantic dinners and gifts. In recent years, the influence of Western customs has led to an increase in the popularity of Valentine's Day, with shopping malls and restaurants adorned in red decorations, creating a festive atmosphere across the country.

Celebrating a Blend of Valentine’s Day Traditions:

Valentine's Day in Asian communities is a fascinating blend of tradition and modernity, where love is celebrated in unique and culturally significant ways. Whether it's the elaborate month-long festivities in South Korea, the intertwining of Qixi Festival in China, or the evolving customs in India, the celebrations reflect the diversity of Asia's rich cultural heritage. By learning about the diverse spectrum of customs, we see that we can choose how to celebrate in a way that feels authentic, genuine, and sincere to us. Remember that in a globalized world, you have the power to make it uniquely your own celebration!