The Pressure Cooker: How my mental health was pushed to boiling point

A pressure cooker – that's how my therapist described my breaking point. 

Since seventh grade, I've experienced suicidal feelings and thoughts of self-harm, my evidently unhealthy coping mechanisms for dealing with frustrations, anger, and sadness. My mental health was in a downward spiral, but when I felt unheard and wanted to lash out at my parents, I feared it would only make things worse. I convinced myself that I was the problem.

In my South Asian home, the highest standard was the only standard. So, when I finished my sophomore year with 3 C’s, 2 B’s, and a sense of, "What do I even want to be in the future?" It felt like the end of the world. Throughout the year, I faced failure, returned home to being broken down, received no support from my South Asian parents, and had nobody to talk to. 

The moment my mental health broke me

Each time I felt that pressure, that anger, my whistle would blow, releasing some air. I'd hurt myself, and I'd want it to be over. But on the last day of sophomore year, when my parents told me that even community college wouldn't accept me, suggesting that maybe I should just consider giving up and becoming a cleaning maid, I broke. My whistle blew.

Vomiting. Head banging. 5 days in the hospital. Honestly, I don’t think I did it because I wanted to die. It was almost as if I couldn’t think of any other way to be heard, any other way to convey that whatever they were doing was hurting me so bad. There was that sense of invalidation. I struggled at the beginning of the year, yes, but I improved. I pushed myself and was driven, but my parents didn't see that. They saw a failure, someone useless.

My parents, like many other Asian Americans, grew up in an environment where treating your kids like that is normal. Experiencing pain, depression, feeling suicidal – you don’t really know who to talk to about that. You don’t talk about mental health. You don’t really know who will understand you. In the end, I don’t even think most therapists do. 

The state of mental health for Asian-American youth

Half of the suicide rates in America are among Asian Americans. Asian American teens have the highest rate of suicidal ideation.We're considered the model minority, and perfection is not only expected by the culture we come from but also by the world where we're stereotyped like this. We’re expected to be perfect, to not feel pain, to only be successful. If you're feeling suicidal, close out those thoughts. We’re pushing and forcing you to work this hard for your future. But what happens when you drive to a point where you don’t even want a future?

I believe that many Asian youth often overlook their own mental health. We fail to recognize its importance, unaware that feeling this way isn't normal, and it's reaching the point of being considered an epidemic. We deny it, expecting it to get better, only for it to get worse. We don’t really know how to approach it. US News recently reported CDC data, which showed that Asian youth ages 5-17 were the least likely group to receive any professional mental health support in 2021. 

In fact, according to the Office of Minority Health at the US Department of Health and Human Services, suicide was the leading cause of death for Asian and Pacific Islander youth between the ages of 15 and 24 in 2019. Plus, Asians were 60% less likely to receive mental health support compared to non-Hispanic Whites in 2018. According to a national survey on drug use and health by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), only half of Asian adults (18+) with major depressive episodes received treatment compared to 70% of their counterparts. 

A better outlook for Asian-American mental health

To better empower and support the mental health of Asian youth, it is crucial to adopt culturally-responsive practices in care. What applies to one person doesn’t apply to the next. While therapy may work for some, it could be that coaching works better for Asian Americans who are used to striving for concrete goals. Most importantly, you should feel heard and genuinely safe opening up, which is often only possible with culturally competent therapists and coaches. Additionally, given the significance of family in collectivist cultures, mental health interventions should be tailored to actively involve and educate family members. One of the biggest steps towards growth and healing is acknowledging the stigma around mental health in the AAPI community and taking genuine steps towards fixing that. 

But most of all, don’t invalidate your pain. Recognize your limits. Avoid overworking yourself and try not to set everyone else around you as a standard. Most importantly, choose to talk about it. Choose to seek help. Choose to believe in yourself and believe that you deserve better. There is something better out there and you always have the opportunity to grow.

Signing up for Anise Health can be your first step.