Valentine’s Day for the Modern Era: Celebrating Self-Love, Familial Love, Platonic Love, and More in the Asian Community

Valentine’s Day has long been associated with grand romantic gestures—roses, chocolates, candlelit dinners. While Valentine’s Day originated as a Roman holiday, it is becoming increasingly popular with couples in many Asian countries.

But love exists in so many forms beyond just romance. For many of us, we can associate February 14th with pressure, exclusion, or the idea that love is most worth celebrating when it comes from a romantic partner. But what if we expanded our definition of love?

Love is so much more than just romance. It’s the care you show yourself, the quiet sacrifices of family, the deep bonds of friendship, the warmth of community, and even the connection to the planet we call home. This Valentine’s Day, let’s reframe the holiday as a chance to celebrate all the ways love shows up in our lives.

Love as more than romance: A Valentine's Day reframe

From movies to commercials, love is often portrayed as one thing: romance. The idea that love is only meaningful when it’s romantic is deeply ingrained in our society. And for many Asian Americans, where family and community are central to our identities, this definition has never quite fit.

Love is found in the friend who always texts to check in. In the meal your parents make for you when words are hard to find. In the community that lifts you up when you’re struggling. In the way you show up for yourself, even on your hardest days.

Romantic love is wonderful, but it’s just one piece of a much bigger picture. When we stop seeing Valentine’s Day as only about romantic partners, we open ourselves up to finding much more to be grateful for by recognizing and appreciating the love that surrounds us in so many different ways.

Self-love: Caring for yourself in a demanding world

Self-love isn’t just about spa days or indulgence—it’s about treating yourself with the same kindness you’d extend to someone you love. Oftentimes, “armchair psychologists” on social media pressure you to purchase lavish material gifts as a display of “self-care” like an expensive form of retail therapy… but it doesn’t have to be like that. 

Plus, for many Asian Americans, self-care can already feel complicated in a way that buying fancy skincare or pricey outfits wouldn’t adequately address.

We are often raised with the understanding that our worth is tied to what we do for others—our family, our career, our relationships. There is an expectation to succeed professionally, not just for our own personal fulfillment, but to provide financial security, to bring pride to our families, and to honor the sacrifices made before us. 

On top of that, many of us carry the weight of family duties and obligations, from taking care of younger siblings to supporting aging parents. In this context, many of us grew up feeling that our lives and our futures did not belong solely to us — our broader families were entitled to a sense of ownership, as well. 

Shaped by this and compounded by pressures we feel from our own self-perception, social media, and more, there are also the expectations we hold of ourselves. We try to be the best daughter, sister, friend, partner, and employee, often de-prioritising our own well-being in the process. 

Add to that how demanding the world  can be — the emotional weight of global suffering, the rising cost of living, the price of nutritious food and healthcare — the simple cost of keeping ourselves afloat all adds up.

Within this overwhelming reality, self-love is truly worthy of our attention and celebration. Prioritizing your own well-being means recognizing that your needs matter, that you deserve rest, and that your worth isn’t based on productivity. It can look like establishing some gentle boundaries and “protecting your buttons.” Plus, it enables you to better give back to others when you are reenergized and recharged. This Valentine’s Day, consider how you can offer yourself the same patience, encouragement, and care that you give so freely to others.

Platonic love: The importance of friendship for Asian American mental health

Friendship is often dismissed as a secondary kind of love—something that’s nice but not as meaningful as romance. But in reality, platonic love is just as deep, powerful, and life-changing.

For many Asian Americans, friendships are a lifeline—especially when the systems we rely upon fail us. When work feels exploitative and demanding, when healthcare is inaccessible or unaffordable, when family is difficult to navigate or things get complicated with our partners, it’s often our friendships that uphold us. In what can feel like a transactional society, friendships are spaces of consistency, care, and mutual support with less baggage of expectation and obligation. We choose each other freely and make a commitment to show up purely out of love.

The importance of these relationships is backed up by research that shows that strong friendships contribute to mental well-being, helping to lower stress levels, increase longevity, and improve emotional resilience. One study found that maintaining close friendships has the same positive health benefits as quitting smoking. Another suggests that friendships provide crucial emotional regulation, particularly for those navigating complex family dynamics.

This Valentine’s Day, remember to celebrate the love that sustains you beyond romance.

Generational love: The unspoken affection in Asian American families

Love in Asian families is often shown, not explicitly expressed. It’s in the way your parents cut fruit for you, in the long car rides to and from school, in the quiet sacrifices made without ever being mentioned. Many of us grew up without hearing the words “I love you,” but we felt it in a thousand unspoken ways.

This kind of love is deeply tied to the history of immigration. Many Asian American families sacrificed everything for future generations—leaving behind home countries, struggling through discrimination, working grueling jobs to build a better life. Their love was woven into the sacrifices, the work, the resilience — it didn’t have to be called out because it was so deeply demonstrated.

Recognizing these monumental acts of love and understanding our families’ love languages can help bridge generational gaps that can otherwise create a sense of difference between us and our families. Some parents might struggle with verbal affirmation and finding ways to drop the expectation and accept that this might never be their form of communication can allow you to enjoy and appreciate the other ways they express their care, like through food or financial support. Recognizing these different expressions of love doesn’t mean ignoring your emotional needs — in fact it can help them be met as you open yourself up to processing their behaviour aa loving, and receiving it in a different way than you expected. It can help you better appreciate and reciprocate love in ways that feel meaningful to both sides.

Community love: The value of shared experiences and care

Love isn’t just personal—it’s collective. Community love is the feeling of belonging in spaces where you’re seen, supported, and uplifted. It’s the way people rally together after a crisis. It’s the mentorship that uplifts the next generation. It’s the shared laughter at a cultural festival, the feeling of home in a place that understands you.

For generations, Asian Americans have relied on each other when systems did not. When banks refused loans to immigrants, community lending circles (like Chinese hui or Filipino paluwagan) provided financial support. When violence or discrimination made public spaces unsafe, ethnic enclaves like Chinatown and Koreatown became places of security and cultural preservation.

In a country where healthcare, financial aid, and social safety nets often fail, community becomes a vital source of love and survival. Investing in community is an investment in each other.

Planet love: Connection to nature as a vital force for change

The earth gives us everything—food, shelter, warmth, beauty. It sustains us in ways we rarely stop to acknowledge. Many Asian cultures have deep-rooted traditions of respecting the land, from indigenous agricultural practices to spiritual connections with nature.

But in a world of industrialization and climate change, we have become disconnected from that relationship. And yet, the consequences of environmental destruction fall hardest on marginalized and low-income communities—often in the Global South, where many of our families are from.

Showing love to the planet is then also an act of love for one another. It’s about making choices that care for the earth, not just in our own names, but for the people who will inherit it. Whether it’s reducing waste, supporting sustainable agriculture, or simply taking a moment to appreciate nature, this kind of love is about gratitude and responsibility.

Romantic love: Dating, intimacy, and how it fits in with the rest of your life

Of course, romantic love still matters. It’s just that it doesn’t have to be the only thing that matters.

For many Asian Americans, the way we experience romantic love can be colored by cultural differences. The expressions of love we see in Western media—grand public gestures, constant verbal affirmation—don’t always align with how we grew up seeing love. Some of us might not be comfortable with excessive physical affection, while others of us might embrace it, even if it feels foreign to our families. Love isn’t one-size-fits-all—it’s about carving out relationships that work for you.

This Valentine’s Day, if you’re in a romantic relationship, celebrate it authentically. And if you’re single, remember that love isn’t something you’re missing—it’s something that already exists around you in so many forms.