Handling Anger, Guilt, and Resentment in the Asian Community

Anger, guilt, and resentment are complex emotions that affect everyone, but their expression and management can vary significantly across cultural contexts. While everyone experiences these emotions, not everyone may know how best to manage them; instead, some may sweep these emotions under the rug because they feel bad about experiencing them.

However, suppressing these feelings can lead to long-term emotional pain and unresolved conflicts. Whether it's guilt stemming from unmet parental expectations, resentment born out of rigid family dynamics, or anger over unspoken grievances, these emotions deserve attention and care. 

This is especially true in the Asian community, where collectivistic values, familial obligations, and the importance of "saving face" often take precedence, these emotions can feel particularly challenging to navigate. Sometimes, we face social expectations to prioritize harmony and suppress negative feelings, which can lead to internalized struggles, strained relationships, and even physical or mental health issues. Understanding how these emotions manifest within an Asian cultural framework is the first step toward addressing them in a healthy, constructive way.

By breaking the silence around these issues and fostering open communication, our Asian community can work toward healthier relationships and emotional well-being.

What is the purpose of anger, guilt, and resentment?

Anger, Guilt, and Resentment are three emotions that receive a negative connotation from society, as they are often large feelings that many are unaware of how to deal with. These three unique feelings are united by one common factor: they are all reactions to an emotionally triggering event. Anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, and hostility, often caused by being unable to achieve a goal. Guilt is an emotion that is experienced when one knows that they’ve done something wrong. Resentment is a reaction to when a boundary has been crossed and/or an unmet need has been allowed to grow and develop. 

How do family dynamics impact these emotions?

The way in which we first develop our views of the world and ourselves comes from our parents. Our parents’ behavior sets an example for us to follow and base our actions on. Asian Culture can be classified as being collectivist, meaning that it operates on the basis that one should put the needs of the group over their own. This societal construct is a major contributor to the higher presence of feelings of guilt and resentment in the Asian Community. Asian parents on average repress their feelings, viewing mental health as mental illness. When Asian children verbalize their emotional needs, they are often shamed and invalidated. This constant invalidation leads to resentment, continuing into adulthood.

How does anger, guilt, and resentment intersect with gender and masculinity?

Gender roles are defined as a culturally determined and socially enforced set of behaviors, attitudes, and characteristics based on one’s assigned gender. The presence of gender roles contributes greatly to feelings of anger, guilt, and resentment in both women and men. Due to gender roles, women often are tasked with the overwhelming majority of household, family, and relationship work. This leads to women feeling drained and emotionally alone in marriages. Years of this prompts severe resentment to brew in women, who feel as if they are overworked and unappreciated, leading to approximately 70% of divorces being initiated by women. On the other hand, male gender roles promote the idea of stoicism, insensitivity, and independence. This directly leads to men being unable to recognize their feelings and manage them. Subsequently, twice as many men than women develop problems with substance abuse as a method to cope, as well as men according for 75-80% of all suicides.

What are practical strategies we can use to live a more balanced life?

The first step in healing from these struggles is to feel what you are feeling. Acknowledge what has happened to you and grieve it fully. This can include verbalizing phrases such as “I didn’t deserve that”, or “That was wrong”. Additionally, seek support from close people in your life, or from therapists. After years of emotional invalidation, it is crucial to have your emotions shared and explored. Focus on viewing yourself in a different way, centering on building self compassion, and understanding yourself. 

Unsure where to start? An easy place to begin is submitting this short intake form, which is tailored specifically for people of Asian descent. You’ll then be matched to culturally-informed professionals who can help you navigate complex feelings of anger, guilt, and resentment.