How to find the right therapist as an Asian American
How do you know if they’re “the one?” What are your expectations and can you build a healthy relationship together? Do you feel comfortable opening up to them? Do you trust each other? Are they good for you?
While it sounds like we’re discussing dating (that’s a whole other thing!), we’re actually referring to the process of finding a mental healthcare provider. Meeting with therapists and coaches can feel dizzying and confusing… you speak to many people but aren’t sure if they’re right for you. You may not even know what you’re searching for.
Finding a provider that uses individualized, culturally responsive approaches is challenging, so we’ve put together this straightforward guide to clarify the process. Just remember, it may feel a bit uncomfortable at first. Keeping an open mind and being patient can enable you to get the most out of it.
Contents
How do I know if a therapist is right for me?
Questions to ask yourself
Questions to ask the therapist
How it feels to be with the right therapist
Signs they might not be quite right
What types of therapy work well for Asian Americans?
How do I know if a therapist is right for me?
The therapeutic relationship is a powerful channel for change and self-discovery. In order to reap those rewards, though, it’s necessary to have a meaningful connection and trust with your therapist. This could mean something different to each of us.
Depending on your personality and what you’re looking to get out of the experience, you may prefer a therapist who challenges you and encourages you to go deeper. On the other hand, you may prefer someone with a more gentle style who allows you space to contemplate out loud while pointing out any patterns they may notice.
You probably won’t know exactly what you’re looking for until you begin your journey, but there are two fundamental aspects to a successful therapy experience: trust and vulnerability. You should feel seen and understood by your therapist, so that you can open up and share your honest thoughts and feelings. As a member of the Asian American community, you could benefit from culturally-sensitive therapy, as your therapist will be trained to understand the cultural stressors that are part of your experience.
Questions to ask yourself
Although much of the process is listening to your intuition, there are also a few questions that can help you discern if a therapist is right for you.
What are my own assumptions or biases about therapy?
Therapy isn’t just for people who are “sick” or “in crisis.” Approaching therapy with a blaming and shaming mindset makes you feel worse by exacerbating negative self-talk. Like exercising, therapy and coaching can be preventative measures to strengthen your mind and heart. Imagine going to the gym; you’re less likely to injure yourself if you have a professional showing you tools that empower you to be more resilient.
You wouldn’t expect to be muscular after three trips to the gym, right? Similar to working out, it takes a few tries to reap the benefits with a mental health professional too. A therapist’s job isn't to "fix" your problem, but to empower you with a better understanding of how you became the person you are today; a coach teaches you techniques to be the person who you want to be in the future. Both can help you regulate your thoughts and emotions better but, at the end of the day, what you put into each session correlates to what you get out of it. Therefore, it’s important to ask yourself: am I going to therapy because I want someone to give me the “right answers”? Do I assume therapy is an easy cure or am I willing to do the work to deeply reflect and make corresponding changes?
What am I looking to get out of therapy?
As with any endeavor, it helps to know what your intention is at the get go. Are you struggling with a specific issue like grieving a loved one or handling a layoff? Or do you feel like you need an objective third-party sounding board for general insight on your life? Is there a particular gap in the support you receive from friends and family that you’d like to fill with a professional?
Whether you’re dealing with a one-off challenge or looking to generally create more peace and less anxiety in your life, knowing what you hope to achieve will be valuable in finding the right fit to help you get there.
Another thing to remember is that there are benefits to trusting the process and sticking with it, even if the end destination is unclear. Evidence-based research shows that one of the main drivers of progress in therapy is simply having consistent practice (aka a dedicated space) for yourself to reflect regularly. For Asian Americans, having an hour a week to yourself to focus on you (and just you!) is a form of self-care that feels foreign to us. That's ok.
What do I respond well to when I seek support in my personal life?
While therapy is different from chatting to a friend or family member, it can be valuable to reflect on those types of conversations to understand what style of communication works well for you. Which friends do you turn to for support and why? Is it because they feel approachable and understanding, offering a listening ear? Or because they know when to push you to be more honest with yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable? If you identify a style of communication or interaction that helps you open up in your personal life, the odds are you could respond well to a therapist who takes a similar approach.
You might also notice that you are receptive to concrete advice with actionable steps involved; this is common in Asian Americans due to a cultural focus on goal-setting. In this case, a blend of both therapy and coaching – like the Anise Health model – could help you make more progress.
Equally, you could consider where you don’t respond well or lack support in your personal life, and seek out a therapist who fills that gap. Perhaps you feel none of your friends or family are willing to challenge you or question you, because they are avoiding confrontation. Maybe you’ve noticed that certain communication styles push you away, like people being too direct and not allowing you the time to slowly express yourself. Whatever it may be, these could be valuable to seek out in your therapist.
What challenges am I facing that I need my therapist to understand?
When we go to therapy or coaching for the first time, it’s natural to look for someone who is similar to you. The reason we do this is because we want to make it easier for our provider to understand us, thus reducing the work we have to do to explain our situation. Maybe you are of mixed Filipino and Japanese descent and looking for a provider who has the same racial or ethnic background. Or perhaps you’re looking for a Mandarin speaking therapist who practices culturally congruent care because you’re a second generation child of Chinese immigrants. You may find yourself searching online for terms like “Korean Counselor Near Me,” “Asian American Therapist in NYC,” “Vietnamese Therapist or Vietnamese Psychologist” “Indian Therapist” or Desi Therapy.”
In practice, there are many ways to find someone who has the ability to assist without relying on ethnographic matching alone. Another way to approach the process is to find someone who has experience, training, and the relevant expertise to support you in the specific challenge that you’re going through.
There is usually a reason we seek therapy – whether it’s highly specific, or for a broad sense of wellbeing. One of the most important parts of finding a therapist who’s the right fit for you is ensuring they are well equipped and qualified to address what you’re going through. This could be related to specific mental health issues – like depression, anxiety, and more – or to your personal experiences related to your identity.
Evidence suggests that minorities experience unique stressors, so if your ethnicity, sexuality or gender identity are heavily influencing your wellbeing, it’s important to find an inclusive therapist who understands how these factors influence your life. For example, the combination of your racial identity with other intersectional traits can lead to Double Minority Stress which a BIPOC therapist can address (BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, People of Color). As an Asian American, culturally responsive mental health care is statistically more likely to result in better outcomes for you.
Questions to ask the therapist
Having identified what outcomes you’re seeking from therapy and what approach may be right for you, you can now ask potential therapists certain questions to see if they’re the right fit.
What is the therapist’s general approach to clients?
Most therapists have a signature approach to how they work with clients. This constitutes both their personal style of communication and inquiry, as well as which modalities they practice, e.g. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), etc.
What types of therapy work well for Asian Americans?
At Anise Health, we work specifically with the Asian American community, and our team of clinical experts has noticed that our clients respond well to therapies that can be categorized into two buckets.
Action-Oriented Therapies
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors to alleviate distress and improve your day-to-day functioning.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): Combines cognitive and behavioral techniques to help you regulate your emotions, tolerate distress, and improve interpersonal relationships through acceptance and change methods.
Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT): Encourages mindfulness and acceptance of thoughts and feelings while promoting commitment to actions that reflect our values, to enhance your psychological flexibility and overall well-being.
Problem Solving Therapy: Emphasizes practical skills to identify, analyze, and resolve specific life problems, equipping you with coping strategies and enhanced problem-solving abilities.
Processing & Talking Oriented Therapies
Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores unconscious conflicts and childhood experiences to gain insight into your present-day behavior, aiming to resolve inner conflicts and improve your overall psychological functioning.
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT): Targets traumatic memories and associated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, integrating cognitive-behavioral techniques to alleviate trauma-related symptoms and promote healing.
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: Uses bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, to process distressing memories and alleviate trauma-related symptoms, aiming to reprocess negative experiences and encourage adaptive resolution instead.
Remember that inclusive therapy is a customizable process, so you can also establish intentions together, like whether you will be focused on meeting certain goals or developing certain skills, and if you want your therapy to be more action-focused or reflection focused.
Does the therapist have expertise working with people like you?
As an Asian American, your experience as a minority is likely to influence your mental wellbeing. For that reason, it’s important to find a therapist who understands what you’re going through and is trained to provide effective care for you. You can ask if they have worked with clients of your ethnicity before, and express that it’s important to you that they respect and affirm this part of your identity. Most importantly, though, be sure to ask what training your therapist has for working with people of your ethnicity.
Signs that an inclusive therapist is right for you
You don’t feel afraid, judged or ashamed to share your experiences with them
They ask questions to make sure you’ve understood them (or vice versa) and reword their explanations if you haven’t
You feel understood and accepted because they are respectful of your identity
You feel a sense of connection with your therapist and feel comfortable engaging in conversation with them
They have a healing and repair plan in case of a therapeutic rupture to help restore trust or miscommunication
You look forward to and see the value in your sessions
They help you understand concepts and symptoms by explaining them in simple, straightforward language
You notice a change for the better in yourself thanks to your sessions
Signs your therapist is not right for you
You feel afraid to share your experiences with them as you fear their judgment
You feel ashamed of your thoughts and feelings when you speak with them
You feel your identity is misunderstood and/or dismissed
You feel like they are distracted when you speak, like they are hearing you but not really “listening”
You don’t notice a change in your thought patterns, behaviors or feelings, even after a significant number of sessions
Final Thoughts
Each of us faces unique challenges when it comes to mental health. There’s no one-size-fits all solution that will work for all of us. Instead, it’s about knowing yourself, what you’re struggling with, and what sort of help you’re looking for. Be sure to take your time to find the right fit for you, ensuring your therapist understands the value of individualized care to address your unique and specific needs.
It can feel daunting to begin the search for the right inclusive therapist, but it will be worth it. Incorporating these recommendations will enable you to find a dedicated care team that works with you; these professionals won’t make you feel ashamed or afraid to open up. To make the process easier, you can use a platform like Anise Health that recommends culturally-responsive providers for you to make the searching process easier.
And don’t forget – always listen to your gut. Whether that’s during your trial consultation with a potential therapist or down the line, if your relationship begins to feel off or unsettling you can always address this with your therapist and part ways in a healthy, therapeutic way if you continue to feel that your needs aren’t being met.
